Yes Virginia, It's True...All of It...

People get weird once you have a "certain" number of children.  I'm not entirely sure what that number is because I jumped from three to five - and then people were somewhat "forgiving" of my five since it was hardly my fault that my fourth was actually a twofer.  But I guess one woman with 5 children is alarming enough to make people at least do a double take.  When you go on to have 6, it seems that you are just really getting out of hand.  And to be seen in public with "all those children" and to still have the nerve to be notably pregnant with another - well, it just renders people quite vocally speechless.

I will say, and please understand that this is in no way a brag, but my kids do inexplicably well in public settings such as Mass and restaurants.  Or at least those who observe them seem to think so.  This actually requires constant damage control on my part.  I actually like to think of our family as a highly contained mobile blast zone, with the damage or harmful  effects contained to a radius of a few feet around us.  If you sit with us at Church you'll probably notice the underlying constant chaos, the chastisements, the threatening looks of death on my face, the subtle pinching and face-making and poking that the children do to antagonize each other....but if you sit in any other row, apparently that all magically disappears.  And people are left to marvel that such an outrageously ginormous family can possibly behave and function in public.  I don't really know what their basis of comparison is to render them so impressed.  According to them, they almost never see a family that large, so it can't be that they usually come across ginormous families of hooligans. (Disclaimer - a three year old can completely ruin any positive image your family might be giving off any time she feels like it.  Which is why I think that "large" families aren't hard, three year olds are hard.  But that's another story.)   

A few months ago a woman came up to me after church to ask some of the questions that apparently drive people to distraction upon seeing my family.  This was while my husband was still working on the gas rig and thus was gone exactly half the time.  She told me, "I don't want to be rude, but I just have to ask you, because you see my friend Virginia wants to know...."  I'm assuming "Virginia" is the 70-ish woman that I frequently see sitting with her at Church.

I smiled politely, gearing myself up for the usual line of questioning and said, "Yes?"

"Well, see, Virginia says these can't possibly all be your children...."

I get this all the time, no problem. "Oh yes, they are all mine."  *smile*

"That's what I told her!  She said 'no, those can't possibly be all her children' and I said 'yes Virginia, I think those are all her children,' but she insisted that you probably actually have a daycare, and that's why I just had to ask you because I have to speak the truth to Virginia..."

Still smiling, I reassured her that she was correct and I was not, in fact, carting a daycare around with me to Sunday Mass...not that it's not a lovely idea.

She wasn't done yet though.  Virginia is apparently a very curious and skeptical lady.  My questioner continued, "I'm so glad you don't mind my asking, because Virginia was also wondering if you are married..." *expectant pause*

*blink, blink*  "Ah yes, well, yes I am.  My husband works out of town so he's only here for two weeks and then gone for two weeks...."

"That's what I told her!  She said, 'I really don't think she is married, why else would she come here on her own,' and I said, 'no Virginia, sometimes she brings a man', but Virginia just didn't think you could be and that's why I had to ask because I must speak the truth to Virginia!"

Again, I assured her that the man she sees me with on occasion is my husband and we are in fact married.  In turn, she assured me that she would be letting Virginia know and how relieved she was to be able to "speak the truth" to Virginia.

Thank goodness that was settled.

The end.