Mind you, when I say that I'm "better" when I have outside obligations, I'm not saying that I look forward to doing things, being involved in groups, fulfilling plans that I made because I knew I needed to. I don't look forward to leaving the house, ever, even for things I desperately want to do. Even when my husband would generously offer (in the before, of course) to send me off to get coffee by myself because everyone is driving me crazy, my first instinctual internal reaction would be, "Why would you suggest such a thing? Don't you know that involves putting on decent clothes and managing my hair and finding my shoes and climbing into the car? Why are you trying to kill me?" Truly, my first choice for downtime would be everyone else leaving and me sitting at home alone for a while. For social activities, which I desperately crave, want, and need, I am still filled with a sense of dread when it comes time to get ready to go. To be clear it's not the activity or the company that I'm dreading. Once I arrive I'm usually chipper and delightful and I can't shut up (a sure sign of having needed to be there). It's the getting ready to go that I find insurmountable, though I usually do it anyway. I'm one of those people who would probably be best served by getting dressed every morning in going out clothes and having my face and hair "social ready", but my internal reaction to such a suggestion is, "Death first!" Perhaps it's a post-quarantine resolution to consider.
On February 29th my husband and I went out to dinner with another couple. Delicious Mexican food, good margaritas and great company. The coronavirus briefly came up. I shared my understanding of why everyone concerned and then laughingly admitted that my "expertise" came from the reading of exactly one article, which I finally googled because I noticed that people were talking about it more and more.
On Thursday, March 12th things started escalating quickly. One by one we started getting word of all activities being canceled. I'm not going to lie, we had a lot scheduled the following week, and if you recall how I feel about leaving the house, I was pretty excited about all the cancellations. Four of my kids were scheduled to go to a week-long maritime camp in Galveston on Monday. It was an amazing opportunity for them. The camp was being funded by a grant and it was a free once in a lifetime opportunity for them. They were so excited. Of course I signed them up when the opportunity arose, and of course I was going to get them there. But let me tell you, I was not happy about the 6 a.m. drive to Galveston Monday morning. I had literally been dreading it and whining to my husband and sisters about it for weeks. As things were being canceled throughout the day on Thursday and I had yet to hear from the camp I wondered if I should make the executive decision to withdraw, but I didn't trust myself to know whether I would be making that decision out of prudence and wisdom or if it's because I really, really didn't want to drive to Galveston. On Thursday night they called to cancel. I don't know if it makes me look like a good parent that I was going to take them for this adventure despite it feeling like the end of the world for me to get up so early and make the drive, or if it makes me look like a bad parent that I was excited when the end of the world actually arrived so I didn't have to, but I was simultaneously heartbroken for my disappointed kids and ecstatic at my good fortune in getting out of it.
I won't bore you with the mundane details of trying to shop during this time as we're all experiencing the same limits and shortages. Most things are findable with some effort, although if anyone knows where to get bleach, hit me up. My main issue is that I'm not willing to go above and beyond to find what I need. I could try different stores, but that involves getting in and out of my car multiple times which is fairly insurmountable and why bother when we can eat quesadillas and eggs and potatoes, and apparently unlimited biscuits and gravy? I whined on Facebook about some of the limits and some very kind friends picked up what I needed the next time they were out. I felt a little sheepish so I offered to do the same for them next time I shopped and felt better about it.
I did have social distancing fail a couple weeks ago at Aldi. At Aldi you pay a quarter for your cart and it's returned when you return the cart. I was taking my cart back up to the cart return and arrived at the same time a man was about to pay his quarter. As is common, I offered him my cart and he handed me his quarter. At the moment we made the exchange our eyes locked with a mutual panicked expression of, "Dear God, we've killed us all!" Presumably, management noticed this illicit exchange because next time I went, the cart area was blocked off and a gloved masked man was stationed at the entrance handing out carts and collecting quarters by hand and putting them in his pocket. When I returned my cart he didn't offer me my quarter back and for whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to ask, so I've been bitter about that for several days.
The first couple of weeks at home we all did almost non-stop screen time. I feel fatigued on and off so I've imagined that I either have the coronavirus, or I'm pregnant (test was negative), or both, but more likely it's anxiety and not eating very well. I find these cowboys screaming extremely cathartic and watch it for several minutes at a time whenever I'm feeling crazy:
I'm not even joking. Sometimes I cast it to the T.V. and my little kids will watch it for 10 minutes at a time intermittently joining in the screaming until they get bored and wander off. The fifth scream is really the best, it really speaks to my soul. I've listened to the whole song it originated from once. I can't really tell you what it's about, it's really weird. I don't even know the name of it, just search "cowboys screaming in the sky" if you're interested. My 17-year-old makes fun of me for liking the screaming so much because it was apparently prime meme fodder two years ago and it's not "in" anymore.
I've watched/listened to endless song parodies with quarantine themes. The first hundred or so were entertaining when everything was still new. It was like, "Oh, my gosh, this is so funny! And relatable! And it's like, wow, like we're all going through the same things!" They've all gotten a bit tiresome now. "Oh look, another familiar tune that says the exact same things about 6 feet, toilet paper, hand sanitizer and day drinking. Meh." The Holderness Family videos are still pretty entertaining, with more personal quirks thrown in.
I finished the internet last week, so I started knitting again, and we're keeping a loose school schedule and I'm reading aloud more. Kids are baking more often which is delicious. One of my better quarantine decisions was starting us on the Sharknado movies. I think the second was my favorite so far. The third was starting to get a little tiresome, but they managed to top the endings of both the first two and it was absolutely glorious. I think we've got three left to go. If you watch these, please don't do so on my recommendation. I can't be held responsible for this, do your own research.
I had more I thought I wanted to say, but I've lost the stamina.
So, that's how we're coping. How about you?
