Of course D.A.R.E didn't warn me about this. I was homeschooled and never actually encountered D.A.R.E., so I'm really just guessing that it's not in their program.
How to even start this story? I've been feeling tremendously isolated lately - primarily because I have thoroughly and completely isolated myself during the course of the past couple of years and I don't know how to reconnect. Pretty much everything about everything that has happened in my life over the past couple of years makes people uncomfortable. There are plenty of things that I would casually chat about that became part of my life, and those who care about me would simply feel awkward hearing about it. They would want to reassure me, and I would want to reassure them, and no one would actually feel reassured. I can't really casually chat about any of it with anyone because nobody would feel casual. And honestly, I would question the character of anyone who didn't feel a little uncomfortable at hearing some of my tales, so, there's that too. At this moment I'm finding my dramatic vague-blogging completely insufferable. I don't mean to be but I'm doing it anyway. I'm struggling and lonely and don't know how to move forward and feel normal. All that to say, I'm about to tell a story that's actually incredibly benign (in my opinion), but one that I might not have shared with "polite company" not too long ago.
Over the summer I got a horrific infection under my arm (picture included for your viewing pleasure). It likely started as an ingrown hair from shaving and grew into a horrific ginormous cyst. Naturally I tried to stab it, but it wasn't ready. The pain increased to the point that I went to Urgent Care. Much to my dismay, they said it still wasn't ready to be stabbed. They did prescribe antibiotics and gave me a steroid shot. I started the antibiotics and a few days later it opened up on it's own and oozed fountains and fountains of puss and started to heal nicely. I know you're supposed to finish all the antibiotics, but I pretty much forgot about them after getting much better and I had two left in the pill bottle.
Another fun fact about last summer, or really May through November, to be specific, is that it was one of the most emotionally unstable periods of my life, which is really saying something. I was having a horrible time sleeping and staying awake for days on end, and also prone to massive panic attacks. Some well-meaning friends were quite insistent that THC would help me with this. I was quite resistant - not any kind of moral objection, mind you. Rather, I had tried pot three or four times in my life and each time I got horrifically sick. The last time I had tried was when it was legalized in Colorado and I got some gummies thinking it would help with my anxiety. Instead I got the spins and vomited profusely. I have been offered pot a few times since, and each time I explain that my body can't tolerate it. I am then subjected to extensive interrogation to find out how exactly I must have done it wrong. I'm not saying it's not possible that I "did it wrong", but at the same time, I know a lot of potheads of varying levels of intelligence, and frankly, the idea that I'm not bright enough to inhale one hit correctly, or swallow half a gummy correctly so as to not get sick is mildly insulting, but whatever.
With much misgiving, I allowed these friends to acquire me some "low dose" gummies, whatever was legal to sell in the smoke shops, with much assurance that they couldn't do much harm. I put them in the pill bottle that I still had in my purse with the remaining two antibiotic tablets. I did try it, and shockingly, it went badly. I didn't puke, but I got the spins and had to lay down unable to move or speak for hours. I did eventually fall asleep, which some say made it a success, but I beg to differ. Needless to say, I didn't bother trying again.
Fast forward to now. I have been suffering from a UTI (and a cold, but that's irrelevant) for a few days now. I've had a number of UTIs in the past and I've usually been able to clear them up just by ultra-hydrating, cranberry pills, and enduring the discomfort for a few days. Yesterday morning, still in a significant amount of discomfort, it occurred to me that I still had some antibiotics left. Setting aside, if you don't mind, the wisdom of starting antibiotics when I don't have enough to finish out a full regimen, I was a bit desperate and hopeful for a kick start at feeling better and hoping if I kept going with the water and cranberry pills it wouldn't come back. I dug out the old prescription pill bottle, tossed the gummies, and took one of the antibiotics.
I went about my day, determined to be functional since I've been low activity the past few days. I decided to take a much needed shower, and that's when everything got weird. I got extremely dizzy and started disassociating while in the shower. I kept finding myself extremely confused and trying to remember what I was doing. I felt like I was going to fall over. I managed to get out of the shower and collapsed in my bed feeling effectively paralyzed. Sebastian called at one point and I could barely get words out, but I managed to articulate the theory that maybe the antibiotics absorbed the THC from the gummies before he gave up trying to talk to me because I could hardly get words out. Eventually I passed out. At one point I woke up starving and found a secret bag of potato chips I had stashed in my closet and gobbled them down before passing out again. In total, I was knocked out for about seven hours before waking up and feeling slightly more normal/coherent. Thankfully my big people stepped in and managed all of the important stuff for me.
So, in summary, I either roofied myself, or I have some mysterious condition that could alarmingly knock me out without warning at any given moment. I'm hoping it's the former, although I'm tremendously disappointed that I can't take the last antibiotic pill. Moral of the story: don't store antibiotics and pot together. Yes... let's go with that. And if this post is incoherent, I'm probably still under the influence, or something.
