1. Preparing for a double event takes at least one year to plan.
Beginning on the first day of the Year Of Planning (i.e. one day after the previous birthday party), listen to your seven-year-old's ideas for his next birthday party. Listen to these plans every day thereafter. Tune out and brush-off birthday planning talk. State definitively that it is too soon to be making birthday plans. Firmly declare that at this time you are absolutely not committing to, or even considering any grandiose and fantastical ideas for birthday fun. Continue in this fashion until about two months before the actual birthday occurs and then commit to a date at which point you will actually begin discussing birthday plans. At child's request, help him make a count down calender to the day upon which you are willing to seriously consider any of his ideas.
During this time start seriously thinking about the baptism. Some suggestions for what kinds of things to think are:
"This would be a good time to get my baby baptized. I wonder who I should pick for Godparents. What is wrong with me that I'm not close enough to more Catholic people who could potentially be Godparents?"
"Okay, seriously, I have GOT to get going on the baptism. Seriously self, I am not waiting until she is two like I did with the twins. Do you even remember Dominic's behavior at his baptism? Do you really want a repeat of that? Do you??"
"Pick up the phone and call the church. It's not that hard. I don't care if you are phone-phobic. Do it."
"Oh my goodness, I am a horrible mother."
Call Loretta at the church and request that she mail you the paperwork you need to fill out. If you lose the paperwork shortly after receiving it, no big deal. Just repeat the thought process above until you make the call again. Don't get discouraged if you lose it again. Don't even consider the possibility that Loretta might be judging you for your inability to fill out the form and return it over and over and over again. She wouldn't do that. Just work through that thought process again. You can do it!!
If the paperwork by mail option doesn't pan out, make an impromptu visit to the church office, walk right in and request the paperwork. Stand firm if Loretta suggests that you take the paperwork home and return it later. Refuse to leave the office until you have filled out the form and picked a date.
2. Once your child has marked off all of the days on his countdown calendar for "official" party planning day, sit down with child, pen and paper and start listing all of his ideas. Gently guide him regarding any restraints relating to time, money, location and laws of nature (e.g. gravity might hinder activities that require flying), etc. Make a shopping list.
3. One week before the party go shopping. Reflect that having a son who is such a meticulous planner actually isn't so bad as you check off your list. Enjoy a sense of satisfaction and peace that you now have everything you need for the party a whole week in advance.
4. Four days before party day start making the requested Sonic the Hedgehog piñata. Don't let the fact that you have never made a piñata before daunt you. Everyone claims you're artistic. You can DO it! Blow up a baloon. Mix flour and water. Rip up some newspaper and go to town!
5. Two days before party day leave the house and stay away for two days. Take comfort in the fact that you have already purchased everything you could possibly need to prepare for the party and will easily be able to throw everything together at the last minute.
6. The night before the party it is time to begin final preparations.
A. It's time to paint the piñata! Be optimistic! Surely with your artistic talent you can transform this nondescript blob into Sonic the Hedgehog. All it takes is a little paint, a brush and determination! If you find that you absolutely cannot find a paintbrush, even after an hour of searching, and even though you know for a fact that you have several, don't despair! Nothing can stop you! Use some of your scrap yarn to make a small pom pom and use that as a paint brush. When it falls apart, just make another. After 4 more pom pom paint brushes, resort to finger painting.
While studying a picture of Sonic, you might discover that he has a flesh colored mouth and green eyes and you only have blue, white and black paint. Not to worry! This is where you can really spice up your artistic endeavors and expand your palette:
Yellowish Orangish Flesh Tone - White paint, curry powder, paprika, water. Sprinkle spices into paint, mix until desired or sufficient color is reached. Apparently, spices turn paint into a thick chunky paste, so add water until a more workable consistency is achieved.
Green(ish) - White paint, curry powder (turmeric is presumed to be preferable if you have some on hand), blue paint. Repeat above steps for combining ingredients.
Meticulously add the details until you
B. Start to bake the cake. After creaming the sugar and butter and adding the eggs, you might discover that you don't have baking powder. This may surprise you if you are positive that your husband bought some. After an extensive search of the cabinets and pantry you have a difficult decision to make. Do you storm up the stairs, wake up your husband demand to know where the #@$% *@#$% &#$%@ baking powder is.....or do you resign yourself to getting other things done and hoping to make the cake first thing in the morning? If you opt for the latter, try not to harbor too much resentment.
C. Since you no longer have to make a cake at this time, put together the party bags.
D. Presents - search through the garage for random unopened Woot boxes that you have accumulated and select a couple of appropriate presents for the birthday child. (Yes, Woot, you may send me complimentary items as a show of gratitude for the free advertising I just gave you.) Wrap the presents.
E. Go to the garage and open your hope chest expecting to find a beautiful baptismal gown, because you know you put it somewhere "safe" and "special" and truly believed that your hope chest was the "safe" and "special" place that you picked. Empty hope chest. Begin tearing through boxes in garage, particularly those marked "special" and "keepsake". Take a few moments to reminisce with your treasures.
D. Take a few moments to cry. Get over it and persevere. Search through laundry basket and find a couple of mostly white dresses that would suffice if necessary. Crawl back to big sister (via e-mail) who generously offered weeks before to allow you to use her daughter's baptismal dress and who you smugly refused proudly declaring, "Oh no thank you, I have a lovely baptismal gown in my hope chest."
F. Stuff piñata.
G. Take a "nap".
7. Party Day has arrived!
A. At 7:30 AM, sweetly ask your husband if he happens to know where the baking powder is. Find out that he cleverly put it into an empty tea canister and did not label it. Thank him with a smile and show no signs of resentment. Visualize life in heaven with all of the other saints and angels. Ponder weather or not making passive aggressive comments in your blog will tack time on to your inevitable stopover in purgatory.
B. Make the cake batter. Ask your husband if the cake batter is really only supposed to barely cover the bottom of the pan. Make another batch of cake batter to add to the pan. Hope for the best.
...Several hours later. The Baptism is done and the party is over. More to come...
You did an awesome job on the sonic pinata. The cake was quite tasty too!
ReplyDeleteTo my wife whom I love,
ReplyDeleteThe tea canister is marked in black sharpie as being baking powder. Also when buying the bag of aluminum (or aluminium if you are not living in the United States or Canada ) free double acting baking powder from Vitamin Cottage I mentioned to you that I was placing it in the empty tea canister so that it would not spill or get ruined by the children. I knew that telling you at the time was futile. In your head you probably said something like "why is he telling me this, i guess it is good to know someday I will try to remember it but not right now." Anyways I did not want people thinking that your husband was trying to sabotage you by hiding and not labeling the baking powder. Although I did figure at the time that you would not remember and something like this might come up. Anyways a very funny and great story.
Oh. I don't remember that. Sorry then.
ReplyDelete