Mugshots and Handcuffs and Lessons Never Learned, Oh My!

I've had some qualms about making this post, but after the events of last night I decided to stick with the true spirit of this blog and just go for it.  I'm extremely frazzled right now so hopefully it's not too disjointed.

Let me preface this by saying that I am the most irresponsible person on the planet.  Okay, that's not quite true, but certainly when it comes to rules, regulations and procedures that I just can't seem to bring to the forefront of my mind and flag as "this is very important".

This story begins in August of 2008.  I had just dropped the boys off at school and decided to drive through Starbucks on the way to Alexandra's school (this was before I started homeschooling, obviously).  As I was pulling out of the drive-thru I got pulled over for having a tail light out.  It also turned out that I had forgotten to put my proof of insurance in the car.  So I got a ticket and a summons to appear in court and prove that I did indeed have insurance.  I stuck the ticket in the glove box and promptly forgot all about it.

I still don't remember when the original court date was, but I know it was at some point before December.  So, at some point in there I missed my court date.  Also, at some point during that time I received a notice in the mail that there was a warrant out for my arrest due to missing the court date.  I was advised to turn myself in.  I believe my entire thought process was, "Oh shoot, I need to make sure to take care of this when Josh gets home."  I know I mentioned to Josh that I might get arrested if I didn't turn myself in soon, but that was probably the last time either of us thought about it.  Besides, who has time for such trivialities as outstanding bench warrants when you are pregnant with your sixth child and preparing for Christmas with 5 little ones, am I right? (Don't answer, that was rhetorical.)

So it was few days after Christmas when all of my irresponsibilities finally caught up with me.  It was quite late, probably around 1 AM, when I decided to make a quick run to the store.  I don't remember why. I probably needed a doughnut or something.  As I was pulling back into my driveway a police car pulled up behind me.  Suddenly, all those pesky things that I didn't have time for previously became very present and important to me.

Cop: Do you know why I'm here?

Me: *shuffling my feet and staring at the ground* Yeah, I think so.

Cop: So you know you have a warrant?

Me:  Yeah.

Cop: Okay, I'm going to have to take you in, do you have anyone who can come down to the station and bail you out?

Me:  Um, yeah, my husband is here, he's sleeping, I'll have to go wake him up.

He then wanted to know if there was anyone else in the house (yes, 5 sleeping kids), if we had any weapons in the house (no) and my husband's overall disposition (asleep).  I didn't understand what he was getting at with the questions about my husband, so it was possible that I was not giving the most helpful answers.

Cop: Does your husband have a temper?

Me: Not usually...I mean occasionally, but not too often.

Cop: Is he going to be upset about this?

Me: Oh, I'm sure he'll be pretty irritated.

Cop: Am I going to need to call for backup?

Me: What?  No!  It will be fine!

I politely asked the officer to wait outside, along with his ride-along friend, while I went to wake my husband.  However, apparently this was not an option and he was going to have to come inside with me .  I'm sure I looked terribly distraught, which I think he mistook for fear of my husband because he said, "Look, I don't want any surprises in there, if you think this is going to be a problem you need to tell me now."  In actuality, the look on my face was the result of me trying to call to mind just exactly how messy my house was. 

Once we got inside I again politely asked them to wait downstairs while I went to retrieve my husband, but again, this was a no go.  They had to come with me into my bedroom in case my husband decided to barricade us in there with the shotgun that we don't have. 

Dejectedly I led them up the stairs to my room.  My husband was asleep, and of course he was au naturel.  Thankfully he was under a blanket.  I tried to block the view of the police officer and his buddy (who I was extremely annoyed about having in my bedroom. I mean the cop was one thing, but who the hell was this guy?), and gently woke Josh up saying, "Honey, this nice police officer is here to take me to jail because of that warrant I never took care of....do you think you might be able to come and bail me out?" He looked at me groggily and said, "Yeah, sure how much is it?"  I informed him of the $300 fee, which he thankfully had in his wallet, and he told me he might be a little while since he had to get the kids all ready.

I bit back the urge to ask the officer if that reaction was mellow enough for him.  Quite honestly, had he been more awake, he would probably have offered them coffee and invited them to join in for a good laugh at my expense. 

When we got back out to the driveway, the police officer informed me that I would need to be handcuffed.  I thought he was joking, but apparently not.  I found it highly unnecessary, and I still think he was simply amusing himself at my expense.  I mean really, I had already led them through my house, taken them into my bedroom, and introduced them to my naked husband all with out incident, and now he was worried that....what....I was suddenly going to become belligerent and needed to be restrained?  I'm sure I looked shifty eyed as I glanced around nervously at my neighbors darkened windows wondering if any of them were up and watching the spectacle.  Maybe that was what did it.  Maybe I looked like I was getting ready to bolt. 

Anyway, we made it to the police station where I was fingerprinted and photographed.  At some point during this procedure I guess he determined that I wasn't too much of a threat, because after taking my shoes he left the cell door open.

Then we waited and waited and waited.  I knew it would be awhile.  Rousting five children from a sound sleep and getting them ready to go at 3 AM is no small task.  Still, after an inordinate amount of time, the officer decided to call him on his cell phone.  A good thing too, because Josh had gone to the wrong police station which seemed to be completely dark with nobody around.

Finally my husband and 5 small children arrived to bail me out and take me home.  What a fun and unexpected family field trip!  When the older kids asked what we were doing there, we told them that the nice police man had to give me a ride (why?  because I needed one), and now I needed a ride home.  They still occasionally say "Mommy, remember that time we picked you up at the police station?"  Which is met with a nod and a smile a quick change of subject.

 So in January I finally went to court, in the midst of a howling blizzard.  By this time I was clearly showing, which perhaps made people more sympathetic.  I brought in my proof of insurance and the DA dropped all the charges.  I only had to pay the court costs.  My license, which had been revoked when I was arrested, was reinstated and I headed directly to the DMV (new model citizen that I was) to get a new one.

Everything was right in the world again!  A few days later I misplaced my new license.  I searched and searched and I couldn't find it anywhere.  I did have my "revoked" license with the hole in it handy though.  I placed it on my key chain as a back-up and vowed to get a new one really soon. 

Fast forward a year and a half to now.  We are staying at my mom's house while we get new hardwood floors put on the upper floor of our house.  Bear hangs out with us here during the day, and every night we take him home to put him in his kennel for bed. 

Last night was my turn to take him home.  As I was pulling back in to my parents' neighborhood, I saw those dreaded familiar flashing lights once again.  This time it was a female cop.  Her first question was, "Where are you headed tonight?"  Frankly, that annoyed me.  If there is no warrant out for my arrest, which as far as I knew there wasn't, why does a traffic violation entitle the police to know where I'm going?  But I contritely told her I was going to my parents' house.

She informed me that my front headlight was out and that my tags were expired.  My sister just told me two days ago that my headlight was out.  But I misplaced the information in one of my mental filing cabinets.  Then of course the next question is to see my license, registration and proof of insurance.

*PANIC*

I take my bad license off of my key chain and hand it to her, fumbling to explain that this was my old license, but I had a new license, but I lost it. 

Coplady:  *noting that old license is not expired* How did you lose your license?

Me: Wait, no, I am licensed to drive, I mean I did lose my license for not going to court when I was supposed to, but then I got it back and got a new license but I physically misplaced it so I'm just carrying my old license around with me. 

Coplady: *looking at me with quizzical amusement* Okay, registration and insurance?

Eager to please, I quickly opened my glove box to discover that it was completely empty, except for two baptismal candles from the twins' baptism a year prior.  I knew the insurance wouldn't be there because when I received the cards in the mail I put them on my bookshelf and reminded myself a few times to put it in my car before completely forgetting about it.  I'm still baffled about the missing registration.  It's always in the glove box. 

Unfortunately I can't recount the rest of the story because at that moment my head exploded.

Okay, fine.  My head didn't really explode, but that is how I felt.  The best I could offer was a weak, "I'm sorry, I'm very disorganized."  Happily for me, she was a very nice coplady.  Despite having no valid documentation she only ticketed me for having expired tags.  I don't even have to go to court!  Well, I had the option if I wanted to contest the ticket.  After some careful consideration, I decided that would not be in anyone's best interest.

Next question was a skeptical, "Does your mom really live in this neighborhood?"  Tremendously relieved and grateful about the minimal consequences I was no longer annoyed by this seemingly irrelevant question I quickly assured her that it was just around the corner and up the hill. 

It turns out that her question was totally relevant as she was apparently supposed to have my car towed, but wouldn't if I was really just going to a nearby house and not leaving again.

I don't know why everyone is always complaining about cops.  Despite my regular encounters with being in trouble with them, I have always found them to be very kind and lenient (except for the handcuff thing).