The Family Bread Line

I don't know if this is true for other large families or if my family eats a disproportionate amount of bread, but we go through bread ridiculously fast.  If I buy three loaves of bread, I am lucky if it lasts two days.  Bread is the kids go-to snack.  Even though I try to keep stocked up on cheese sticks and fruit and such, I often stumble upon the remains of some sort of pitiful, disgusting "sandwich".  In addition to traditional sandwiches, like peanut butter and jelly, these are some of the things my kids put on bread and call it a sandwich:

1. Peanut butter and mustard

2. Mustard

3. Mayonaise

4. Ketchup

5. Barbecue Sauce

6. Pickles

7. Re-fried Beans

Sebastian is the worst offender.  I will walk into the dining room and find him guiltily looking at me with ketchup smeared all over his face and oozing out the edges of two soggy, ketchup soaked slices of bread.

Me: What is that??

Sebastian: *nervously* It's a sandwich.

Me: That's not a sandwich, it only has ketchup on it.  That's disgusting! This is why we never have bread in the house!

Sebastian: I was just hungry, Mom.

Me: Why didn't you eat a cheese stick, or a piece of fruit, or a granola bar, or the left over roast beef from last night?

Sebastian: *sullenly* I just really like sandwiches.

Additionally, it is not uncommon for me to walk into the kitchen to see the bread bag open, hanging partially off of the counter with two or three pieces spilled out onto the floor.  I deliver a lecture about "respecting the bread", they blame the twins, I tell them that they need to put the bread up when they are done with it so that the twins can't get it, they insist that they did but those darn twins are wily little monkeys who can climb to get anything, I concede the point, and we still don't have enough bread. 

So, we have come up with a new approach to attempt to slow down bread consumption.  Before Josh left for work, we stocked the outside freezer, the one that locks, with about 20 loaves of bread.  I told the kids that the new rule was that I was only bringing in a new loaf of bread every other day:

"If we run out before 'bread day', you can do without.  There is plenty of other food to eat, and maybe you'll start thinking about how much bread you use and how to conserve it better."

So far they have gotten a little better.  Miraculously, they have managed to find places to put the bread that are not so accessible to the twins.  They have started making single pieces of toast instead of full sandwiches when they are snacking.  We still haven't managed make it last for the full two days before "bread day" hits again.  The other day Isaak came to me, raging:

Isaak: I went to make myself a sandwich, and I haven't had any bread today, and the bread is ALL GONE, AND WE AREN'T GETTING ANY MORE UNTIL TOMORROW!! *seething*

Me: That's frustrating, isn't it?  I know how you feel.  I have often gone to make myself a sandwich only to find that there is no bread left.

Isaak: *storms off and eats a cheese stick*

Now he is the self appointed bread-police: "How much bread have you had today?", "Is that your second sandwich??  Give me that, I'm cutting it into four pieces and distributing it to the other children."

What the kids don't know, is that I'm willing to up the family bread allowance if necessary.  But not until they can consistently demonstrate self-control in the bread department.  Only then will I be able to assess what is a *reasonable* amount of bread for 5 children (Jane doesn't eat much bread at this point) to go through.

I know I should probably start baking my own bread, but I'm not there yet.